My World Without Jehan

by Liana Mistry

English 320 pages 1 edition

‘Written as if with a raw nerve, this courageous memoir explores the themes of love and loss and family silence. It doesn’t matter whether the cold, abrasive wings of suicide have brushed by your family or not, you should read this book.’—Jerry Pinto ‘ ‘An emotional read, but also an empowering one. It offers a lifeline to those grappling with suicide loss, assuring them that they are not alone in their struggles and that healing and growth are possible, even in the darkest moments.’—Nyana Sabharwal, psychotherapist and founder of We Hear You, a support group for suicide bereavement Relocating every few years, not always together, the Chinoys were far from a typical household. For all that, they were a happy family, until they could no longer pretend to be, when, in September 1986, they lost Jehan, the most tender and passionate of the five of them. Many years later, the kid sister, Liana, tries to fill the gaping hole left by her brother, the loving though tempestuous young man who took his life at twenty-two. She was fourteen at the time. All she has of him now are her memories, fading at the edges, like the handful of old photographs she has of him. She can recall the flamboyant and popular boy at school, but also the one at home, manic depressive, and struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. Her family chose never to speak about the suicide—particularly to their youngest member—instead burying the pain they must have felt. Were they as ridden with guilt as she was, and is, for not being able to prevent Jehan’s death? Were they ashamed that he was not like other boys his age, that he was different? She doesn’t know. She lives her life grieving privately, imagining they’re doing the same. My World Without Jehan is Liana’s cathartic attempt to confront this decades-long silence. Her shattering yet hauntingly beautiful tribute to her beloved brother is ultimately a memoir about forging a path to healing and understanding, and, finally, to letting go.